The biggest change

27 Jan

It’s been a while since I got back to Germany. Home. Hamburg.

Nearly two years have passed and I don’t feel like the same person anymore. I was wide open back then, ready to get on the next plane or start something crazy. And in a way, I did. I decided to listen to my heart and started writing. I have some freelancing projects going on and also a job as a journalist in a TV magazine. But the biggest change was to start writing stories, blog posts, and just listen to my inner voice. I even concentrated on a big project which I call „my book“. I am not sure whether it is gonna be a book at all, and it will most certainly not be the first book I will finish. But it’s mine, completely. Something that is meant to be done in this lifetime.

Just to say (admit) this is part of the big change. To stand up for what my heart desires. What defines me, what I actually am. I am becoming an author. Somehow I worked against this my whole life, even though I always told people that I „wanted to write“. They looked confused and tried to find ways for me to fit in (mostly by making me a good candidate for the next big journalist or even politician). What I really meant was, „I want to become an author“. Not a famous one, just the one I was meant to be. Finding my inner peace by doing the only thing that really makes sense in this world. It was a painful realization. Because it had absolutely nothing to do with fitting in.

And then I started telling people. Not the way I used to, but with a new confidence. With the straigthforward truth inherent in these words. I am becoming an author. And when I started telling this right up, everything fell into its place. Now I have the chance to do exactly what I was meant to do. People are open to my ideas, my texts, they support me. No lurching around anymore. No insecurity about it. I don’t know yet whether those things I write make any sense to other people, but to me they do. I have to put some trust into that. Because it’s all that’s left, all that held me back all the time.

 

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4 Antworten to “The biggest change”

  1. guinness44 Januar 28, 2014 um 9:30 am #

    Go for it!

  2. nandalya Januar 28, 2014 um 12:49 pm #

    Ich muss mich Papa Alec anschließen. Feine Worte hast du gefunden. Und das in meiner zweiten Lieblingssprache 🙂

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